Pouring Rain

Typical late-Autumn weather for our part of the country. Cold & sodden. When I first got sick & was posting to the blog I found myself in a highly discursive mood; these days I have very little interest in explanation & for the time being at least these posts will be more like chart entries, though without any of the imposed regularity implied by the traditional notion of  a chart.  Loose, intuitive, even impulsive charts of perception & interpretation, then. Sending out signals. Do you remember spinning the dial on your grandfather’s old room-sized short-wave radio? Foreign languages? Static. Radio beacons. Morse code. A world, a room, filled with mysterious voices mediated through curtains of rain.

Slight Disturbances . . .

. . . in the visual field, especially at the edges & in low light. Partly the effects of opioids & partly the result of interrupted REM sleep for several nights running. When I do sleep mostly through the night I wake with a feeling of restored clarity. It is remarkable how much awareness changes as the senses distort somatic patterns.

Effects

Around 6:00 a.m. I take the day’s first handful of pills, including a dose of long-acting morphine. Works for pain as intended, but it also provides a bit of mild euphoria that feels entirely deserved.

Not Much Sleep

Mostly watched how-to videos on YouTube over night. Clearly avoidant behavior. I don’t have bad dreams, don’t dream much at all unless watching people assemble electronics, do woodworking projects, perform chemical experiments, make elaborate clocks from brass stock, create an electron microscope, or build custom guitars can be said to be a kind of dreaming. Perhaps it can.