Sometimes, writing posts here, or sending emails to friends, I feel like a fraud. Am I not just about the perfect Zen student facing a terminal illness? Writing about the birds & moon. I am sometimes afraid, I am sometimes angry & resentful, but not much of it shows up here. It's not that those observations are false, but isn't this all supposed to be messier, more shapeless? Meaner. No doubt those states of mind are coming sometime--but there is no harm in trying to live clearly in the meantime. Nevertheless, I need to be very careful of this Perfect Zen Student persona. So call me out if you see me getting into my robe here on the blog--or anywhere, for that matter.